Have you ever thought about how odd it is that we trade our time for money? It feels normal because it’s all we’ve known, but in reality it’s a concept that hasn’t been around for very long. Regardless, it’s how most of us make a living. We are employed by a corporation to perform specific tasks within specific time frames each day. As a result, we spend more time at work than we do with family or friends if we’re employed full-time.
I too have been a corporate drone for most of my career. I’ve also been put in leadership positions for the majority of that time, something I’ve considered a privilege and a joy. I like being around people. I like sharing ideas, brainstorming, and coaching or mentoring the members of my team. Having said all of that, we still have a lot of work to do when it comes to emotional intelligence in the workplace.
Corporate loves jargon. Anything to do with emotional intelligence is often labeled as “soft skills”. I’ve often thought that label mistakenly gives the impression that managing the emotions of yourself and others somehow takes second place to hard skills, or the skills you need to perform the tasks associated with your job. However, emotions are part of the job. We don’t magically stop being human when we clock in for the day. We’re the same people, with the same personalities, problems, successes, and issues we had before we started work. So why do we often feel as though we can’t simply be ourselves in the workplace?
I’ll be quoting from the following two articles about emotions at work:
The Best Leaders Normalize Emotions At Work
How Leaders Can Open Up Without Oversharing
Know Yourself
Our connection with other people is only as solid and deep as our connection to ourselves. In order for me to be connected to you, I have to know who I am. I have to be connected to myself. And I think what we end up doing is we end up desperately searching for connection with other people, when we have no idea who we are!
– Brené Brown
Most of us roll into work thinking we’re perfectly self-aware, only to find out our emotional blind spots are driving half our reactions. You can’t understand someone else’s frustration, excitement, or stress if you can’t recognize what’s going on in your own system first.
The problem with blind spots is that we don’t know they exist until someone points them out. I’ve previously mentioned that I grew up in a very religious home. My values and major life decisions were all aligned with our family’s religion. It wasn’t until I separated myself as an adult that I had to start thinking about what my values and interests were outside of any external organization or person in my life.
This isn’t set in stone. As we age, we change, and our values and principles change with us. Being aware of who we are, what we value, and what our boundaries are is the first step in creating true relationships with the people we work with.
Be Yourself
Most of us walk into work wearing a version of ourselves that we think is more acceptable and more professional. We wear a mask that conceals who we really are. People can only connect with you if they can actually see you. You were hired not just because of your resume but because, hopefully, your personality came across in your interviews. Why would you want to hide that once you have the role?
Emotions often show up in our bodies, behaviours, and energy before we register them consciously.
I want to add a point about not making assumptions about who people are at work based on first impressions. If a coworker has said or done something that made you angry, consider reaching out and talking to them first. In a previous job I had, the company liked to promote the idea of “assuming positive intent.” I really liked that. It allows you to go into the conversation assuming they didn’t mean any ill will.
Show Yourself
When you’re willing to show your own emotions thoughtfully and responsibly, it gives everyone around you tacit permission to bring their full selves too. That’s where trust starts, and trust is where performance takes off.
This willingness in leaders to be open and honest, even if it makes them vulnerable, is important because it builds trust — people can easily sense inauthenticity.
I want to be clear that being vulnerable and authentic in the workplace is important, but will still look a little different than it does at home. Especially if you’re in a leadership role. As mentioned in the article linked earlier, it’s vulnerability without oversharing.
Good leadership isn’t about being the most polished or the most unflappable. It’s about being steady, present, and real. When you show people what that looks like, they follow suit. And that’s how teams start to feel like people working with each other, not just beside each other.