“You think because I’m kind that it means I’m naive, and maybe I am. It’s strategic and necessary. This is how I fight. When I choose to see the good side of things, I’m not being naive. It’s how I’ve learned to survive through everything.”
Waymond Wang, Everything Everywhere All at Once
You can see the entire clip from the film here.
According to my wife, I have strange, artsy tastes when it comes to movies, but this scene in particular hit me hard. I found myself thinking about it for weeks afterward. I think I know why.
It reminded me of when I started dating a few years after my divorce. I hadn’t been on a date since my early 20s, and I was terrified to get back out there for two main reasons:
- Things had changed drastically in just a few decades. Smartphones didn’t exist, and we didn’t have dating apps. We actually had to meet people in person!
- I wasn’t Mormon anymore, which meant I could date anyone I wanted, regardless of religious beliefs.
Dating in middle age is hard. You’re at a stage in life where you have an established career, a home, maybe a few kids, and a lot of emotional baggage. That means all of your potential dates are carrying similar baggage. After countless letdowns, broken promises, and big plans that crumbled into nothing, I built up a reflexive cynicism that masqueraded as wisdom.
Life is both rewarding and incredibly difficult, so we have a choice to make: Do we let ourselves become more cynical and pessimistic? Or do we continue working at improving ourselves and being kind to those around us?
Here’s another example from one of my all time favourite TV shows. Pay attention to the range of emotions both characters go through in this scene. You can see the hurt in Ted’s eyes as Rebecca admits to everything she’s done, he’s experiencing a flood of emotions all at once. But instead of lashing out, Ted makes a choice: he chooses kindness, and it shocks Rebecca. She hadn’t considered that as an option. Almost anyone else would have been furious at being used and humiliated.
I want to emphasize something here: cynicism is the easier choice, and it can sneak up on you. When the shit hits the fan, it’s the default setting for most of us. It begins as a form of self-protection. Cynicism feels intelligent, like you’re able to see through the veneer and fantasy of life when others can’t. But kindness and optimism are harder. They take effort and they’re far more rewarding.